I know
by xxxitachisloverxxx
Summary: Shuichi knows more then he lets on to.
1. Introduction

Disclamier: I **DO NOT** own gravitation or any of the characters.

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He thinks I know nothing. That's not true. I know a lot. It just causes me a lot less pain if I act naive.

Oh yes before I start telling you my problems I should probably introduce myself.

My name is shuichi. Yes the shuichi from the hit band "bad luck". And the to- I mean _lover_ Of the famous cold hearted bastard yuki eiri.

Hmm you ask why I'm so bitter talking about my "love", haha if only you knew...if Only you knew.

You say you want to know? Fine I will tell you but don't say I didn't warn you.

My story with eiri is not a happy one so if you were looking for a "rainbows and unicorns and all things happy"  
I suggest you turn back and find a different story to read. Because this story is the exact opposite of that.

Anyway for those of you who want to hear my story. Enjoy....although There is not mutch to enjoy I ensure you.

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Review?

Next chapater preview: Shuichi has flashbacks about his and eiris relationship,and shuichi begins telling his story.

Till next time.  
~rin


	2. Betrayal

**-shuichi's pov-  
**

**-Flashback-  
**

Yukiiii? Are you home? Yuki? Hm I wonder were yuki is.

We had finished our recording for our new song so I got to come home early witch Had been quite shocking considering hiro had not come to work today.

I wonder if hiro was sick I thought, I will have to call him later.  
I was drawn out of my thoughts but a loud "thump" and a grunt.  
I grimaced. Was yuki moving furniture?

I half ran to ou- I mean yuki's bedroom.  
Yes it was still yuki's bedroom not our's although I was allowed to sleep there sometimes.  
I frowned the door was closed and locked.

Worry suddenly over came me, what if yuki was hurt!  
That could be the reason for the "Grunt and the thump" I proceeded to break down the bedroom door And what I saw can only be described by one word. "Betrayal"

**-End of flashback-**

Hm I guess I was a bit of an idiot back then. I never believed eiri would cheat on my epically with never with HIM. That just shows how gullible I was back then. But hey Who can blame me? I wanted a happily ever after. Doesn't every want a happily ever after? Well let me tell you this There is no such things as a "happily ever after.

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**Preview of next chapter:**_What was yuki doing? And who is "HIM?" in the next chapater the flashback continues, And shuichi starts telling us more about his and yuki's life togther._

**Thank you for reading ^^**

**Review?**


	3. excuses

**Disclamer:** I **DO NOT** own _gravitation_ or any of it's characters.**

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**-Continued flashback-  
**

**-shuichi's pov-**

I could not belive what i saw. I had been freaken worried about him.

And he was fucking my "best friend." Yes you heard me right. His cock was shoved up hiro's ass, and hiro was enjoying every minute of it. Considering he was moaning like the whore he was.

Surprisingly no tears came to my eyes. No words of protest came out of my mouth.  
I just stood there staring. I felt nothing. No sadness, No anger, No depression...I felt absolutely nothing. The only thing i did feel was complete utter numbness.

Around this time yuki and hiro had finally noticed me Standing in the bedroom's door way. Yuki Tried to come up with an excuse "Shuichi this is not what it looks like i mea-"  
Just save it eiri i replied.

Yuki's eye's grew quite large when i had called him "eiri" instead of yuki. I had never called yuki "eiri" before. But he better get used to me calling him eiri, Yuki was too affectionate a name for him. So from now on yuki would be called eiri when i talked to him, I mean when i had to talk to him, I did not want to talk to this-this cheater unless i absolutely had to.

Around this time hiro had also tried coming up with an excuse "Shu? yuki's right this is not what it look lik-", I also cut him off.

Save it hiro. you know it's exactly what it looks like. Unless yuki's dick somehow got in your ass by mistake?  
Hiro hung his head down at this.

I laughed bitterly. Listen up both of you. You will not talk to me unless it's necessary. When you see me around town do not try to act friendly with me. And most of all Don't you dare try to make what you guys did it any better. Because nothing you will ever say or do will make this ok.

"Shu please i need you". i looked at yuki when he said this and burst out in more bitter laughter.  
_You_ need _me_? If you need me you would not have been _fucking_ hiro eiri.

With that i walked out of there life's...forever.

**-End of flashback-**

And to say i was happier after that it would have been a lie.

After that little incident nothing went right. But that story if for another time.

I never found out how long eiri and hiro's affair was. And i don't want to know.

Because if i did know i will ensure you my sanity would be no more.  
So no i don't want to know.

I want to save those happy memories that i did have with eiri.  
Even though those happy memories were proabley all lies. In fact i know they are all lies.

But who cares. Leave me with my fake happiness. After all that fake happiness is all i have left.

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**Preview of next chapter:** _Will we ever find out when yuki and hiros affair started? And what did shuichi mean "nothing went right after that?". Next time more flashback and more about shuichi and yuki's life togther._

**Thank you for reading ^^**

** Review?**


	4. Misery

**Disclaimer: **I **DO NOT own _gravitation_, Or the song "_Misery Loves Company_"

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**-flashback-**

**-shuichis pov-**

**-4 months later-**

I was sitting in my apartment yes my apartment i had bought one a few weeks after i left eiri. I was listening to the radio when the announcer said "we just got bad lucks hit new song "Misery Loves Company" and the song is dedicated to yuki eiri"  
The song came on. I listened as my voice floated threw the raido.

**"It's not the time It's not the place**

**I'm just another pretty face So don't come any closer**

**You're not the first You're not the last**

**How many more?**

**Don't even ask**

**You're one more dead composer**

**Do I need you?**

**Yes and no**

**Do I want you?**

**Maybe so**

**You're getting warm You're getting warm You're getting warmer oh Did you plan this all along**

**Did you care if it was wrong**

**Who's getting warmer now That I'm gone**

**Misery loves company**

**And company loves more**

**More loves everybody else**

**But hell is others**

**I'm not for you**

**You're not for me**

**I'll kill you first**

**You wait and see You devil undercover**

**You're not a prince**

**You're not a friend**

**You're just a child**

**And in the end You're one more selfish lover**

**Do I need you?**

**Yes and no**

**Do I want you?**

**Maybe so**

**You're getting warm You're getting warm You're getting warmer**

**oh Did you plan this all along**

**Did you care if it was wrong**

**Who's getting warmer now That I'm gone**

**Misery loves company**

**And company loves more**

**More loves everybody else**

**But hell is others**

**You're so easy to read**

**But the book is boring me**

**You're so easy to read**

**But the book is boring me**

**You're so easy to read But the book is boring**

**Boring**

**boring boring**

**boring**

**Boring**

**boring me**

**Pray for me**

**If you want to**

**Pray for me If you care**

**Pray for me If you want to**

**Pray for me If you dare**

**Pray for me If you want to**

**Pray for me If you care**

**Pray for me**

**If you want to Pray for me you fucker**

**If you fucking dare**

**Misery loves**

**company And company loves more**

**More loves everybody else**

**But hell is others"**

Yes i had wrote another song that was about me and eiri, But this time this song was different it showed our real relationship if you can even call it that.

It was darker then anything i have composed before and i actually used profanity in it.

Besides the fact 'bad luck' was making more songs along with money, It was the only thing that was going right.

In the last few months everything had crashed down around me. I had become something i did not even recognize.

I had started hurting myself. The scars on my wrist and arm proved that, I had started drinking, it had become a temporally pain reliever like the cutting was.

I had more one night stands then i could count, With both men and woman.

A sick smirk made it's way to my face, One of the woman i had fucked had been ayaka. Hiro's innocent little girlfriend,  
I honestly did not know why hiro liked her, She was just another Anoying whore. And she was bad in bed. But then again hiro is also a whore so i guess they are perfect for each other.

The only thing i was not doing was drugs. But who knows maybe the numbness will get so bad i will resort to it.

Right now anything that made me feel was what i would do. I know i was destroying my body.  
But it did not matter anymore. i had nothing really to live for.

If you are wondering my appearance changed too. My hair was still pink but now it had black streaks in it.  
I wore all black, Black hid the blood stains. Black was good, Black is how i felt on the inside.

The numbness was getting to much for me again. i reached for my razor it was time for my regular dose of emotion...Pain.

**-End of flashback-**

You think i was bad there? Ha. wait and see....wait and see.

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**Preview of next chapater: _What does shuichi mean "wait and see"? Will hiro ever find out about shuichi and ayaka? Will yuki ever get shuichi back? And will we ever find out when hiro and yuki's affair started?_**

**Thank you for reading ^^**

**Review?**


	5. Blood

**Disclaimer: **I **DO NOT own _gravitation_**

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**-Flashback-**

**-Shuichis pov-**

I quickly drowned another bottle of vodka. It left a bitter, burning taste in my mouth. My eyes were getting blurry, My arm ached as blood poured freely from a self inflicted wound. I had cut myself worse today in fact it was a miracle i was not unconscious or dead, My arm was drenched from the wrist up to my elbow in my own shimering blood.

I had seen them together today. I had been walking to the store to get more beer and bandages when i spotted them. They had been outside a cafe close to the convenience store.

They kissed, my eyes narrowed, eiri smiled, i clenched my fist, they kissed again this time more passionately. I ran. All thoughts of beer and bandages gone, And that is how i got here.

Why you may ask i was not bandaging my arm and stopping the blood? The answer is simple, i had ran out of bandages yesterday that was the man reason i had been walking to the store. But as i said i forgot everything as soon as i saw them.

A bitter smile crossed my face. They were probaly at eiris apartment right now. Fucking. Probably so glad i was out of their life.

A knock at my door interrupted my oh so happy thoughts. At the door stood tohma. I could feel his eyes racking over my body and stopping at my blooded arm. I smirked "like what you see?" tohma replied in a shockingly shaking voice while pointing to my wounded arm " shuichi...did you do...this...to yourself?"

I rolled my eyes "you talk too much" i slurred. Crap the vodka was starting to affect me. I walked unsteadily to the kitchen "wanna drink tohma?" He just stared at me. I inched myself closer to him "or do you want something else?" i purred, With that i slammed my lips on to his and started rubbing his clothed groin.

To my great surprise he did not object. In fact he pushed me towards my blood stained couch. He briefly glanced at the blood that covered a quarter of the couch before pushing me down on it. He then proceeded to pull down his pants and boxers. I did the same.

He grabbed my limp cock and started stroking it to hardness. I groaned, I was then startled by cold wet fingers prodding my entrance before they thrusted completely in me. I threw my head back as his fingers hit that special spot in me. But as quickly as that pleasure had come it was gone.

It was now replaced by a throbbing lubricated dick that pushed into my entrance. I shut my eyes as a dull pain made its way up my lower back. My eyes flew open has he began thrusting into me. I was once again drawn into pleasure. He hit that spot in me. I moaned. He continued pounding into me, Hitting that spot over and over.  
I was quickly approaching my orgasm. He thrusted a few more times into me before releasing. I groaned and screamed a name as i came.

When i opened my eyes tohma was starting down at me, His lips in a thin line. "what?" i asked as he got dressed. Silence met my ears. I frowned did i do something to upset him? I was startled out of my thoughts as tohma opened the front door and paused before walking out "shuichi when you came you called yukis name" He then closed the door and walked to his car.

A horrified look came over my face. I could not belive i had said eiris name while cumming. I curled up in a ball on my couch as i realized i was once more alone with only my razor blade and thoughts of eiri as my company.

**-End of flashback-**

Man I am really fucked up.

I mean what type of person calls the name of the person that cheated on them with there best friend while cumming?

I will tell you who a fucked up person. A person like me. Oh well this is only the icing on the cake. Later on i become even more messed up.

Is that even possible you ask?  
Yes, yes it is and you will soon see how**.**

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**Preview of next chapter:**_ how mutch worse can shuichi get? And why was tohma at shuichis house in the first place? And will we finally learn more about yuki and hiros affiar?_

**Thank you for reading! ^^**

**Review?**


	6. realization

**Disclaimer: I do not own_ gravitation._**

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**-Tohmas pov-**

"What did i just do?" that was one of the many thoughts that flew inside my mind. I was supposed to have come over by shuichi to make sure he was eating and so fourth, Instead i had ended up having sex with him. I shook my head. Sometimes i think i am more messed up then shuichi and yuki combined.

**-Shuichis pov-**

Disgust ate away at me as i thought about what i just did. I had slept with tohma seguchi. My boss. Eiri's brother-in-law. Mikas husband.

Vomit started to rise in the back of my throat as i realized i had just slept with a married man. I was as bad as hiro. No i was worse. Much worse. In the last few months I had become a self destructing monster.

I curled up in ball on my seamen and blood stained couch, I closed my eyes, Thoughts of Eiri and hiro ran across my mind. I tore at my hair follicles. "NO!' i did not want to think about him.

I longed for the numbness that had been consuming me earlier. I was wrong numbness was better then these feelings and thoughts of realization.

Because at that moment i had realized. Me destroying myself is only hurting me. Not hiro. Not eiri. Only me. Depression Started seeping into me. I staggered into my kitchen and grabbed a bottle of whiskey and once again i began to drink myself into oblivation.

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**Sorry its been so long since i updated, I have been really busy. But i should be updating more frequently now . ^^**

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Thanks for reading.

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Review?


	7. Work

**Disclaimer: I do not own _gravitation._**

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**-Yukis pov-**

I was awoken from my deep slumber by my red haired angel, hiro. A smirk crossed my face as i watched him walk across the bedroom floor to the closet.

"Its a miracle your standing let alone walking, I mean after what we did last night that should have made you bed-ridden for at least a couple days." Hiro looked at the clock and replied snarkly "Well it's a miracle your awake before noon." A chuckle made its way out of me.

It's true i usually slept till one in the afternoon. I snapped out of my zoned out state to a smug looking guitarist. "What?" I growled. "Nothing its just that the great and oh so sexy eiri yuki is with me let alone in my bed....naked." I rolled my eyes at that.

But on the inside i was grinning like a dumbass, Because the truth is, I have never been happier in my life then i was now, Not even with yuki kitazawa. Hiro really was my red-headed angel.

**-Shuichis pov-**

I awoke to the sound of a ringing alarm clock. I let out a pained groan. I was hung over (again), So the alarm clock sounded a hundred times louder then it really was.

I glanced at the clock as i turned it off. It was already eleven thirty?! Shit i was really late for work, I scrambled to find something clean or at least something that did not smell like piss and had blood all over it.

To my utter most annoyance and disbelief all my clothes were either too dirty to wear, Or had some un-known substance on them. "Fuck!"i said as i inwardly groaned, I would have to wear what i was already wearing since it was the cleanest item i possessed by far.

I stumbled into the kitchen, I opened the cupboard, It was bare, It seemed like i had ran out of food. I looked around trying to find something to eat, I spotted a half empty whiskey bottle on the floor, I picked it up and took a swig of it.

The alcohol burned my throat as i drank it, Soon the bottle was empty and i was wondering why i had been in so much of a hurry. I looked at the clock once more, It read two o'clock.

It then dawned on me i was late for work i started to panic but then i remembered tohma. A smirk made its way onto my face. I shouldn't worry, I mean if tohmas mad that I'm a little late I'll just give him head to make up for it.

I continued smirking as i opened another bottle of whiskey And began to drink it. Maybe life was not so bad after all...or maybe I've lost my mind. I shrugged. It was probably the latter.

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**Thanks for reading. =D**

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	8. Confusion

**Disclaimer: I do NOT own _gravitation_**

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**-Shuichis pov-**

I never made it to work, I had passed out around two in the afternoon after finishing a quarter of the alcohol in the apartment.  
I glanced at the clock that blended into the dirty wall behind it. It read "10:51pm". Fuck had i been passed out that long? Tohma was going to have my head. I doubt that giving him oral would make up for missing work for the third time this week.

Wincing i made my way to the bathroom and preceded to empty my stomach in the toilet. A groan made its way out of my throat. I felt terrible.

My pity party was interrupted by my cell phone ringing.  
I looked down at the screen. And sighed. It was tohma.

I made myself comfortable, Well as comfortable as you can get on a cold tile bathroom floor and answered the phone.

I was right tohma was furious. He ranted and raved for a good two hours. Only stopping to breath when he needed to refill his lungs with air. This was going to be a long night.

**-Tohmas pov-**

I angrily punched the numbers of shuichis number into my phone. He had missed work again.  
The third time this week.

He was probably passed out. Well no surprise there.  
That kid drank day and night. Normally that wouldn't bother me. But it had started to affect his work, And our other "Activates."

Enough was enough.  
I was finally going to let him have it. The phone rang. He answered on the fourth ring.  
"Hello?". Let the yelling begin.

**-Yuki's pov-**

I made my way down the street, I had just picked up dinner for me and hiro and was making my way back home, When i saw a very irate tohma on his phone yelling at some poor unfortunate soul who had somehow pissed him off.

I was just going to ignore him and walk pass him when i heard the words "shuichi" "drinking too much" "Ruining his career/life".

I frowned. Must he be so hard on the brat? It's not his fault he's like this..its mine.

And plus the kid was pretty cute when he was drunk. A smirk made its way across my face. Wait. What was i thinking? Shuchi cute? Did i still have feeling for the brat?

A dark scowl replaced the smirk on my face and i continued walking.  
No of course not. I have no romantic feelings for the kid what so ever.....right?

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**Thank you for reading. =3**

Review?


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